Tears

I am not an emotional being. I do not cry. No matter how I squint my eyes or scrunch my face, no tears will fall from my ducts. It isn't that I think crying is silly, because I don't. Rather, I think crying is a very heathly and stress reducing release. While I believe these truths, the dendrites in my brain seem to think otherwise. When faced with an emotional situation, where tears are more than acceptable, my brain simply shuts off along with my access to the waterworks. It is as if the logical part of my brain overpowers the side controlling feeling and deescalates the situation. Emotionally, I know that crying will make me feel better, but logically I understand that it will not solve anything. I suppose this is why my personality type is ISTJ, instead of ISEJ. Thought is stronger than feeling, at least in my biological makeup.

Yesterday, was one of those days I needed to cry, and couldn't muster any tears. while reading through my inbox, I discovered an email from Nancy, a former professor. Her message explained that my dear math professor was in extensive care at a local hospital. After visiting the attached care site for MDY, I learned that she had lost her battle with cancer, and passed earlier that afternoon. The news came as a total shock. I did not know she was ill in the slightest. After all, I saw her a few short months ago. She was her usually happy, spunky, energetic self. How could she be sick? How could she be gone? Nothing seemed to make sense. Nothing seems to make sense now.

MDY was quite the teacher, and even more of a woman. She taught with an enthusiasm that was contagious. Her laugh was one of a kind. She was selfless and always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it. MDY had a mother's intuition. She always knew when you weren't your usual self. She made you talk about it. She made you feel better. MDY was also one tough cookie. She biked cross country, practiced yoga, swam laps in the pool. She didn't put up with shit. As a result, you became a better student. She instilled a work ethic in her pupils and we worked hard as not to let her down. Disappointing MDY was never an option. Heaven is lucky to have her.

Though I cannot shed the tears I wish to cry, I will shed my words. MDY, you will be forever missed and loved by all who had the pleasure of knowing you.